I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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