grandma shit on top of the toilet
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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