I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize