There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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