I will die if light touches me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
