is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
