you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
