Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
