I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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