My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
