PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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