do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize