What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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