Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
