I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
