Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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