Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
