We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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