The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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