so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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