I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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