We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
