Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
