the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
