and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
