K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
