Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
