thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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