I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
