Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize