I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
