I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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