He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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