And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
