remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
