Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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