my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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