I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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