I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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