when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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