Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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