how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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