Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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