The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
