Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry about my life...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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