so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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