Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
