I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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