You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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