Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
