Im at strip club and am horny
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
