im holly from the hills drunk
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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