I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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