I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
