i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
