Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
