I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Houston, we have a blender
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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