you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
