White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Come on in and take your pants off
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
