Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
