Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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