yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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