it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
not ubering you a puppy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
