he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
