I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
