All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
