ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
