My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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