i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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