this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
