Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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